Article
There’s an uncomfortable truth within the disabled community that’s only just started to get air time, but it’s something we really need to address. Some disabilities are seen as more legitimate than others.
Ableism is something we’ve all experienced. Maybe it’s a doctor who doesn’t believe us, an employer who isn’t inclusive or the friends who drop away because you’re apparently no fun anymore.
It’s par for the course when you’re living with a disability.
The big problem is when the call is coming from inside the house. When disabled people don’t believe or support others because the only true lived experience looks just like their own.
A few weeks ago I joked on Threads about no one telling me how boring becoming disabled would be. Most people laughed and agreed, but one guy, a guy with a disability, told me that it was my “negative mindset” stopping me from doing my hobbies. Nope. It’s definitely the fact that my hands no longer work like they used to.
Whether we’re aware of it or not, each of us bring our own bias with us.
In a society that whole heartedly believes that invisible disabilities aren’t ‘real’ disabilities. That things like fatigue, sensory issues and executive disfunction are actually just dressed up laziness, it’s little wonder that some people with disabilities also have a narrow idea of what it’s like to be a disabled person.
Whether it’s medical professionals dismissing conditions or people with visible disabilities doubting the struggles of those with invisible ones or the constant pressure to prove you’re disabled enough, lateral ableism creates real harm. And we as a community need to put the work into making the change.
Acknowledging that disability isn’t a one size fits all situation is the first step to become more inclusive and accepting as a community. Just because one person’s experience looks one day doesn’t mean everyone’s does or even should. We need to remove the bar to entrance and accept that some people’s experience is more severe than others and that’s okay.
It’s a big club, we have room for everyone regardless of visibility, severity or how well they fit into society’s expectations.
A lot of ableism comes from our own internal monologue.
We’ve spent our whole lives being told what disability looks like. Maybe that’s a TV show where the only representation is in the form of a disability that is severe, serious and dangerous. Maybe it’s from doctors, teacher, employers and even ballsy strangers telling us we’re just not trying hard enough or maybe - if we changed our diet or tried yoga - we’d be fine. It’s not hard to figure out why those things become absorbed.
But here’s the thing: someone else getting the support, recognition, or accommodations they need doesn’t take away from what you need. There’s enough room for all of us in the fight for accessibility and inclusion. The goal shouldn’t be to police who “counts” as disabled, but to break down the barriers that make life harder for all of us.
So, let’s start believing each other. Let’s make the disabled community a place where people don’t have to prove how much they struggle just to be taken seriously. Let’s reject the idea that there’s a right or wrong way to be disabled.
Because at the end of the day, we’re all facing the same fight—and the only way we win is together.