Article
The life of every parent with primary school aged children becomes more intense around Term 4. In the homes where a parent is also managing a chronic condition, juggling these extra tasks, staying organised for the extra things, and keeping up with the routine life tasks, usually happen at the expense of the parents’ schedules. Even before my chronic illness became a permanent feature in our lives we were always a family who are strict on routines and so much of our lives is preparing for the next challenge, even if that’s just being awake and functional the next day.
As a mother of 2 girls aged 8 and 10 I’m living these challenges. Since school resumed in October, we’ve had one child start the school swim program, and the other will have a swim carnival event later in the year. Our eldest daughter has started a fresh season of summer hockey which will run until the end of term four, pause briefly during the Christmas break, and finish with a few games in January.
Her game times are thankfully not too early in the morning, and the venue is indoor, which I appreciate as heat and humidity play a role in exacerbating my symptoms.
Primarily being ready with equipment the night before means the girls always have what they need and they never miss out on their activity, and if I’m required for driving I’m in bed early so I’m safe to drive when required.
Our eldest also has a junior band performance coming up, which is rehearsed during her lunch breaks at school and she’s responsible enough to know what days she needs to have her instrument. My husband will be driving us to this event as I’m not comfortable driving the children anywhere when my fatigue and headaches begin to feel like a safety concern. Next year those music commitments will increase with before school band rehearsal and our youngest starting to learn the cello.
Like all parents I’m trying to teach self reliance which I do with my own mother’s favourite phrase, “Lead by example.”
They see me using notes and lists to compensate for my poor memory when I’m overwhelmed by fatigue and brain fog. Their morning and afternoon checklists are for me as much as they are for them.
Having the girls play an active role in helping to keep the house organised and on schedule helps reduce my mental load and helps resolve some of my mum-guilt because at least they’re learning life skills such as scheduling laundry to have the right uniforms ready, meal planning and what’s required for their favourite meals.
My schedule is at capacity as a person living with Fibromyalgia. I work 3 to 4 days per week with 2 of these days requiring my presence on site due to the practical nature of my role. My husband does school responsibilities on these days so I don’t need to rush for school bells in case my health declines and I have to rest and wait for symptoms to calm down before I am ready to keep going. I self-manage my pain with prescription medication, supplements and an exercise regime which I’ve built up very slowly since my diagnosis 3 years ago and adjust depending on the fluctuation nature of my pain and fatigue. I recently adjusted this also, so I have more flexibility over that schedule and I’m not missing gym sessions when I’m simply not functional enough, trying to schedule medical appointments or the kids need me for an event.