Grief

Aunty Jane 0:00

Hi everybody. My name's Aunty Jane, and I'd like to begin by paying my respects to the Wandjeri people and to the stolen generation, people off this land where we are meeting upon today, for its elders and past and presents, and even for the self advocacy people who have passed away and who is still here today on Aboriginal land. Thank you from AuntyJane.

James 0:26

We recognise all self advocates who have worked tirelessly over the years for the rights and the equality and human rights for all.

Chris 0:38

Hello, welcome to Raising Our Voices show on 3CR on 855,3CR digital and on 3cr.org.au ... we are a self advocacy group, what is run by people with disabilities, for people with disabilities... nothing about us without us.

James 1:11

Today's show we are talking about grief. Just a reminder...today's show we are talking about how we felt when someone we know died. If this is a topic that makes you feel sad, step away for for a while and come back when you are feeling better. We will share phone numbers where you can get support during the program. I'm James. I am from Reinforce and also on the AMIDA committee member,

Chris 2:05

Hi, I'm Chris, and I'm from Have a Say Bendigo.

Cam 2:09

Thank you, Chris. I'm Cameron, and I'm a member from Rainbow Rights and Advocacy.

Shona 2:16

I'm Shona and I'm from Have a Say Bendigo.

Chris 2:20

Okay, question one, what is grief?

Shona 2:25

Grief is like if you lose someone or if you've been through a lot of trauma.

Chris 2:35

Well, I think grief is just something that we can have by people, like when people pass away, or, or if you got a pet who passed away, or it could be just someone said something nasty to you and called you a name. And there's lots of that going around and, and, yeah, that's my understanding of grief. If anyone else... if James wants to add something?

James 3:09

Grief means to me when someone has passed away, like a family member or any members that have passed away or a patch, or anyone that has lost somebody in your family that has passed away as well. That's what grief means to me.

Cam 3:34

Grief is about when people yourself or someone close to you passes away, family member, friend, a member from a self advocacy group. It could also mean your loved ones, like your pets. And so that's what grief is. It's a period of time when you're not feeling the best, you're feeling down because somebody you love has just passed away, or or an animal that you love.

Shona 4:07

Yes... like I get... upset sometimes about how much I miss Norrie.

Chris 4:20

Well, I reckon you can feel grief with other things too. I mentioned that about when pets pass away or have to be put down, you can grieve about that, or you can actually can grieve, as I said, for... with people calling names and stuff because people are being mean to people who are in the rainbow family, and they can have all that grief onto them as well. So I guess that is... depends on this way you want to put it.

Cam 4:55

It also depends how you know some people can... get upset, or be in grief... if, so, for example, if they're a real football fan and they want to and they care about their football team. I know a couple friends that get really upset because the team's lost in the football you know... or they're really passionate about a sport they play. I know a lot of people who play disability sports, and they're really passionate, and they get upset if they don't win. 

So grief can be, comes in all different sorts of ways, from someone passing away, person, close, one, family, friend, animal, cat, dog, horse, sheep, you know, anything. And then also, it also can be otherwise as well, if... you've... lost... a footy game, or, you know, if you're being real big footy fan, you know, or sports that you love doing.

James 6:03

How do you feel when someone you know passed away?

Chris 6:14

When Norrie passed away, I felt really, really sad. I heard it from Shona, and she rang up and told me, she started crying, then I started crying, and... yeah, it was quite sad. [?] someone you know you really love, and was a good member of Reinforced and also came to [?] heaps of times. Yeah, that's sad that he can't be here anymore. James...

James 6:40

Yeah, I knew Norrie very well, because Norrie used to come to meetings when he was alive, and also he was a member of Raising Our Voices as well. I felt sad and I felt that I lost a friend. Yeah, yeah, I just was upset and feeling, I was feeling down when I when I heard about it, and yeah, I just... it's just hard that he's not... here anymore.

Shona 7:23

I was really devastated. I just was crying. A lot of people that I lost, like, lost about a couple of friends and... a few family members, yes.

Chris 7:47

Yeah... listening to Raising Our Voices and we're talking about grief.

Cam 7:54

So... how I felt when someone I knew that passed away: upset, annoyed, angry, frustrated. You know it's... not a pleasant feel when, when someone that you know passes away, you know you feel down, if you feel sometimes you want to be left alone... yeah.

James 8:20

How did you cope with your grief?

Cam 8:27

How I coped with my grief was to find something to do, keep my mind activated or active. You know... maybe playing a video back when I was younger, maybe playing a video game. I'm not as young now, but yeah, playing a video game or talking to friends, you know, just keeping active and keeping your your mind, you know, so it's not... so you're not, you don't get into this bit where you get depressed and... sad all the time. You know, you talk, talk to friends, hang out, hang around with friends, play games, go to the movies or stuff like that.

Chris 9:08

I deal with grief by being among some friends who were looking after me and they gave me a drink of water or a cup of tea and asked me if I was okay, and Max saw that I was okay, and they really were really good. So, yeah, being with friends, that's how I coped - especially when Norrie passed away. He was really good friends with Have a Say Benigno. So we all got together and and support each other through that. That's it for me, for that bit.

James 9:53

I felt very sad when... I wasn't depressed, but I... wasn't miserable, but... it was.... I was disgusted in a way, but yeah, I mean, it's just that I... knew the person and I would maybe do something special for him. I got free counselling through it, and I used to talk about it with my counsellor, and made me feel better.

Shona 10:40

Sometimes when I get upset about people I've lost, I... sometimes to stop myself from feeling upset, sometimes I think about how proud they would be of me for being an athlete, and how proud they would be of me for being engaged. And sometimes I talk to the stars about it... and some nights I light a candle in my unit. And sometimes, when I light the candle and pray, it doesn't work sometimes, because it was one time I did it and... I was crying. I think it was about my grandfather I lost when I was only nine years old. Think it was about him, or it might have been about Norrie, or my Nana, it was one of them.

James 11:36

We will be right back after a few announcements and the song called Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. This song was chosen because it is a nice song.

Cam 11:54

You're listening to Raising Our Voices on 3CR - 855 AM, 3CR digital and streaming at 3cr.org.au ... Raising Our Voices is a radio show run by people with disabilities, for people with disabilities. Nothing about us without us.

James 12:24

Today, we are talking about grief - family and friends passing and how you cope with grief.

Chris 12:34

Has your self advocacy group lost a member? I'll throw to Cam.

Cam 12:41

Thank you, Chris. Our self advocacy group Rainbow Rights and Advocacy has lost a member - we lost member late last year to a vicious attack in the city CBD of Melbourne. Yeah, it was, it was a tragic event that happened. Yeah.

James 13:03

Yeah. I felt sad when I heard... about the passing of Andrew. I also knew him as a close friend, and I heard it on the news as well, and I attended his funeral as well. And also Norrie [?Lightman] has passed away, and also Lots of members from Reinforce - like David, Doug and... Daisy and...lots of members.

Chris 13:48

What are some of the things that the group did to support the group, Cam?

Cam 14:00

so what I did to support Rainbow Rights members, back when I was a peer worker, I rang around Rainbow Rights members, seeing if they're okay, offered them support, offered them that they can call me anytime... seeing how they were coping. And you know, I behind the scenes I also helped... I spoke to [?Thorn] Harbour Health, which, they have a counselling service there for the LGBTIQ people. And they offered, also, they also... come to a Rainbow Rights meeting, and offered to give people counselling if they needed it.

Chris 14:40

How did the group support each other at a hard time, Cam?

Unknown Speaker 14:49

So how the group supported each other, they just got around with each other, made sure they were, other members were good, yeah, they weren't by... themselves, they called each other... yep.

Chris 15:05

And do you have a tip for people who have lost a friend or a family member?

Shona 15:16

I would... help them and let them explain what had happened, and I would feel so sorry for them.

Chris 15:28

Cam?

Cam 15:30

So I have a couple of tips. First tip is, if you lost family or friend, maybe reach out to someone, talk to somebody... talk to an experienced counsellor or talk to someone that you trust. You know... because grief is a very... losing somebody close to you is a very hard thing, hard to deal with sometimes, and people, all people, handle it in different ways. So my suggestion is, talk to, might be your closest friend or your family member or... even a counsellor. You don't have to fight this by yourself. I mean, you can reach... if you're feeling sad or... maybe just reach out to someone you know or someone you trust... that can listen to you, and maybe just have a celebration drink on their birthday or their death... the day they died.

Shona 16:40

I do have a, I do have a few tips about it... like lighting a candle at home at some nights can help, or talking to the stars, or even thinking about how proud of you they would be for doing what you're doing.

Cam 17:03

You are listening to Raising Our Voices on 3CR. Today, we are talking about grief and how people have coped when someone they loved passed away, and want tips to help them.

Shona 17:29

Like... whenever I just feel like upset I think like, when I'm thinking about family members and friends who have passed away and tell talk, and I'm thinking how proud they were of me and being engaged and being a self advocate. I just think... I even talk to myself about it, or talk to a family member about it... or a friend.

Chris 18:04

If you have just tuned in, the topic is grief, and... we've been talking about how to cope and all the other things. And the number you can call for grief is the GriefLine. What is 1300 845 745... 1300 845 745... Lifeline on 13 11 14... Beyond Blue, 1300 224 636... or even Emergency, call Triple Zero.

Shona 19:06

I really miss my Grandfather, who passed away when I was only a child. I was only nine years old, and then and I miss my grandmother, passed away when I was only 15 on my Dad's birthday, and... oh, that... was really devastating, too. And I miss my Great Aunt who passed away in 2020 just before Easter, when we were all in lockdown. And I even miss my Nana who died in 2000... I nearly said my Nana's name... yeah, I miss my Grandmother who passed away in 2022 which was Dad's Mum, and... oh, they died... 

Oh, I really miss her, and I get upset about her sometimes, and I can't ever stop thinking about her. She died from dementia and breast cancer. I do have good memories about her. She was a really... she was really lovely. She taught my Mum how to make... the lemon cheesecake when Mum was only a teenager. And she also taught mum how to make lasagna, yep.

Chris 20:32

You are listening to Raising Our Voices, and we're talking about grief.

Shona 20:39

Like... there is something some of the griefs I'm going through that I can't do anything about. Like... I am really, I've got a lot of trauma about from when I was in care and it was... and it happened to me... I feel okay now, but still from doing that, I still sometimes feel too different. Can feel like, not... yeah. When I lived in Echuca, I was seeing a counsellor. They understood how I was feeling. Yeah, and there's no right or wrong, because sometime, even though it's been years since someone you lost had passed away... you still can get upset about it - especially when it's been the... when it's near the month that it happened... or in the month that it happened, or if it's their birthday, it can still happen. Yeah, and grief never goes away - after you've lost someone you you're grieving forever.

Cam 22:06

Thank you for listening to Raising Our Voices on 3CR, 855 AM - a radio show run by people with disabilities, for people with disabilities. Join us next month, where we will talk about... IDAHOBIT Day. IDAHOBIT stands for International Day against homophobic, biphobic, interphobic and transphobic. Now stay tuned to 3CR.

3CR ID 22:47

You've been listening to a three CR podcast produced in the studios of independent community radio station three CR in Melbourne, Australia. For more information, go to all the Ws dot 3CR dot org dot AU.