In the Line of Duty … with Curtis McGrath

Emma 00:00

Access Granted is a production for powered media. Welcome to access. Granted a podcast for anyone seeking inclusion when it comes to living with disability. I'm Emma Myers, and in this episode, I hear from a more hero who projected his debut at the Paralympics. 20 minutes after losing his legs, I

Curtis 00:35

got up on my elbows and looked around and could see the blast crater next to me and bits of my kit all over the place, like blood coming like streaming out of my legs. My legs were like completely missing, gone into little bits, and I felt quite a lot of pain.

Emma 00:52

Curtis McGrath OAM is an Australian para canoist and former soldier who lost both of his legs following the Mind Blast while serving in Afghanistan. In this episode, Curtis records the moment the mind detonated and shares the complexities of being both carer and cared for. Now bringing up a young family, access granted is the way of the personal and the political collide. It's curious. Conversations between people living with disability, hearing about advocacy, the push for change, and discussing ideas for a more accessible world. You're listening to access granted with Emma Myers, I don't want it to be too serious. So Curtis, I want to start by asking what you were like as a kid.

Curtis 01:50

I remember using my mum's car, no, my mum's friend's car roof as a trampoline when I was, like four years old. So that would have been a damage in the roof of the car, probably not funny, but shouldn't do that.

Emma 02:02

I mean, I guess it was funny on your end, but not them. What were you like growing up? Was in listening in the army, always in the card sphere.

02:13

I was a very outdoorsy, active kid, so always playing sport and playing games outside. So the attraction to being outdoors as a job was always there. The military was something that I always saw myself doing initially, I, you know, in the little dreams of a 10 year old, Curtis wanted to be a fighter pilot, so driving jets, I probably didn't focus enough at school, and sort of lost my way in that regard. And sort of still went into the military, but went in as a combat engineer, which is a very sort of diverse, broad role. And the general sort of description of that role is to provide mobility and deny mobility, and that can be anything from building a bridge to get people to pass over the river or gap, or to dig a trench to stop that. You know that movement as well, as well as a lot of other things.

Emma 03:12

How did being assigned as the comet engineer come about?

03:17

Um, so when you go through recruitment, you go through sort of these aptitude tests and all your psych screenings and physical screenings, and I had everything I needed to do or needed as a prerequisite. So I wanted to be an aircraft technician fixing helicopters in the army. Unfortunately, they weren't recruiting that role for the next sort of 12 to 18 months, and I was 17, like, just about to turn 18 at this stage. So that was, you know, almost 10% of my life. And I was pretty keen to get on with the ball and get on with it. So I said, Oh, what else have you got for me? And they said, Oh, what about these jobs, this job, this job and combat engineering. And I was like, What's combat engineering? And he sort of explained it, build things and get to blow things up. And I was like, it sounds good to me. And that's sort of why I joined that role and made some unbelievable friends, and that is probably the reason why I stuck with that role for so long.

Emma 04:11

So take us back to August 2012 what was running through your mind when the explosive went up? Is it like the movies describe what you saw, heard, felt, even what you could smell.

04:26

I'll start with what I could smell. It was very dark and dusty, and the explosion kicks up a lot of dust. And even when I got put into the medical trauma bay at the hospital. Some of my colleagues who knew me couldn't recognize the because I had so much dirt and dust and debris all over my face, and I could see it was quite dark that the dust kicked up blocked out the sun for a few seconds. It was. Was 11 o'clock in the morning to a bright, clear blue sky and blocked out the sun. I got up on my elbows and looked around, and could see the blast crater next to me and the bits of my kit all over the place. I could see blood coming, like streaming out of my legs, flowing out of my legs. My legs were like completely missing, gone into little bits that were just sitting to the side of me. And obviously, with that, a lot of people would assume that there's no pain in that situation. But for me, I felt quite a lot of pain. And it wasn't just pain that was on my legs. It was all over my body. It was so intense that I don't think it could be isolated towards one area of my body. So it was it's very hard to explain the intensity of that, because I'm not too sure too many people would understand or have the experience of it. But I was also in my secondary role on my deployment within my team. I was a combat First Aider, so it was my role to sort of provide the traumatic or the the intense, the initial, sorry, the initial first date. So I was trained into treating or looking after these wounds to a higher level than my my comrades. So I was instructing them through that process and and I don't know where that I guess training was, where that came from, and I didn't realize how important or how ingrained that training was in my preparation. So to have the symptoms, excuse me, the symptoms that I had leading like going through it and feeling the symptoms that I'd been taught to identify, it was quite obvious to me that these certain first aid steps need to take place, like obviously, tourniquet stopping the bleeding, putting bandages off to stop any more dirt and debris, and then I can feel myself going into shock, so I needed an IV fluid, and then obviously dealing with the pain, because the pain is sort of a psychological thing in a way, but it's the thing that we were not really worried about initially. So yeah, and then getting the pain sorted so and then making sure the bandages aren't coming loose when we're moving around and things. So there's a lot going through your mind, and I was very task orientated. I was very focused on the first day, and not so much on the repercussions or the effects of later on of that that incident,

Emma 07:46

and were you alone when this happened? Or were you near New York teammates? Or,

07:53

yeah, I was the only one seriously injured in the blast. I luckily, I should say luckily, because when a blast like this goes off, you know that the intent for the insurgents who laid the devices to cause as much destruction as they can, and for me, I stood on it, it went off, and my mate that was with me was about 10 to 15 meters behind me. He was just looking off to the side, sort of walking apart. And in any other day, he probably would have been right next to me, and he would have got severely injured as well. But thankfully, I can say thankfully, because, you know, you don't want any more destruction or carnage or trauma, then is absolutely minimum necessary, right? So the rest of the squad, I was walking towards them, we'd already searched through that area the day before, so I had missed an IED that was hidden in the ground. The ground was a very difficult sort of type of soil. It's sort of like broken up granite. So a lot of our devices and our methods were quite difficult, and we had to move very, very slowly when we were searching. And, you know, sometimes you just miss something, make a mistake, get distracted. I wouldn't say complacency was the cause of the missing the IED. It was just the circumstances of that ground, that time, that day, that mission, that team, that that person, and that person was me,

Emma 09:23

I'm I'm speechless. I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. What was your recovery like following the accident, and how did your friends and family help you recover? Yeah,

09:39

it was a long road to recovery. I was very fit and strong before I got injured. So that helps incredible, like so much, to be as fit as and healthy as you can be leading into a any, any sort of hospital or rehabilitation process, say, if you've got a an ankle reconstruction coming up. Or, you know, a minor procedure, if you're fit and healthy and eating well, your speed and your recovery is going to be so much faster than if you weren't healthy and ready for it. So that's some little words of advice for me, but it was long considering that the extent of my injury. So I lost my leg, left leg below the knee, and my right leg through the knee. So I had very large wound on the back of my right thigh that required some skin grafting, which meant that that that skin grafting actually took the longest thing to heal. Everything else was quite straightforward. I had very lot of broken bones in my left hand, some burns across my fingers, and some shrapnel and wood fragments went up into my finger. It's sort of webbing in my fingers and between my fingers, so that that healed fairly quickly. And I bring it down to know being fit and healthy, and the lead up so that that sort of initial and sort of, what's it called subconscious healing. You know, it was just happening as as I was laying there. So that was happening really well, and obviously that the doctors and nurses were doing an amazing job, but my friends and family were incredibly important during that phase, you know, helping me sort of come to terms with the change, come to terms with who I was come to terms with what was ahead of me and all of those things going from a fit, young, healthy, 24 year old guy that was loved the outdoors and climbing mountains and snowboarding and playing AFL and all that sort of stuff was in My mind gone. And in a way, they're they're not gone now, they're just different, and I couldn't see that at that stage. So my my family was very important in making sure that I still had doors open and opportunities ahead of me and goals that I could set. And that's what sort of pushed me through. And you know, a lot of the times I would find myself really at at the end, not at the end, it's probably the wrong words, but at a state where I just couldn't see the future being very good. And it was my family that sort of brought me out of that. And, you know, my wife especially was important, and that that role, you know, we're trying to celebrate and acknowledge Carers Week this week, and I think those my mum and dad and my family and my girlfriend and some friends, obviously, my mates were still in my comrades were still in Afghanistan working, so they still had a job to do. So for me, I had to rely on my family members to help me and to to bring me through. And they provided that that role, that sort of the the role in between the clinical specialist, right? So, and that's a role that might not be obvious. It's a role that that might not go noticed as well. And you know, it's like little things like getting the wheelchair out of the car and taking me to appointments and cleaning the house, or, you know, looking after, making sure for me, it was quite straightforward, because I still have my upper body to be able to move around and push a wheelchair. But some people, you know could be, could be a quadruple amputee and required to be pushed around the house, and that's that's somewhere that is required to be there, 24/7 hours. It's just sometimes these roles go unnoticed and unappreciated until you don't have it. And it's one of those, those little things that you know, if you've got a carer there, and you know, it's provided by a service and they're paid, it's really great. But you know, most of the time those there's some gaps there, and the family and friends really fill that role, and it's important to acknowledge them and and identify that when that person's in that role, that they they mean a hell of a lot more to the person that they're caring for than than can be said really.

Emma 14:01

Thank you so much. Okay, that's, that's, that's really important for people that hear, I know we've got different abilities, but do you ever find yourself feeling a bit guilty for needing the support that friends and family often provide, that professionals can't for

14:25

me, having had the experience of not requiring assistance to do little daily things, to having to someone to really do it for me or help me do it, is You don't want to be a burden, and any person living with a disability doesn't want to be a burden at full stop. It's the way we are as humans. We want to be independent, we want to be self sufficient, but we also want to be connected to a community and connected to people. And that's really important to remember that a lot of the time that we are connected to other people and. A lot of time those closest connections are the ones that fall into those roles of carers. And, you know, initially I was, I was probably, like, quite frustrated with the whole process of having to rely on someone, having to rely on a taxi driver to get me to my appointment when my my girlfriend or my mum was unavailable. It was, it was hard. And, you know, coming every and every day and every you know, every moment that I required something I'd have to call out. Or some people, you see it on movies where they ring a little bell and the carer, or the servant for the maid, or you want to call them, the butler, comes along and helps them out. But it's so less obvious than that, and it can be quite overwhelming for that person that it is not actually signed up for that role, that, you know, in a way, they've become this reliable person that has to step up and help out for this person going through their disability or their injury, or, you know, might just be age as well. And we are an aging population. The whole world is aging, and we need to acknowledge that a lot of our parents are going to need carers, and that might be, you know, the kid in school right now, and that's something that we need to think about, and how we how do we support them and make sure that they're looked after and acknowledged and supported through that whole process

Emma 16:28

you're listening to access granted with Emma Myers, you mentioned that you loved Sport even before the accident, I read a rumor that 20 minutes after you lost your legs, you said to your mates that you would be seen in the Paralympics. Is that true?

16:52

Yes, yes, I was getting carried on the stretcher to whether the LZ for the medical evacuation helicopter was coming, and as I was getting carried along about four or 500 meters, and the guys that were with me, I could see that they had a little I had, they had their own trauma. You know, obviously it was quite a graphic and horrific and sudden incident that happened. And you know, they were dealing with it in their own way. And I could see that, you know, emotionally and mentally, that they had their own trauma. And I said, Guys, guys, I'll be I'll be fine. I'll just go to the Paralympics or something. And you know, that was not a, not a promise of of of intent or action. It was more of a promise of hope to say that, guys, I'll be okay. Don't worry. I'll be fine. We just got to get to this chopper and we'll get out of here and and that was, that was sort of the reason why I said what I said, but at the same time, it sort of stuck with me, and sort of maybe it did plant the seed in terms of who I am now and what I've done and where I'm potentially going as well. So I'm actually quite proud of that comment, but at the same time, I don't think it is intended to be the reason why I'm a Paralympian, for sure,

Emma 18:09

how did the Paris Games compare with pride and accessibility wise, For

18:18

me, I had the unfortunate sort of scheduling debacle, and my event is in the last three game, three days of the game, so I don't get the opportunity to sort of let my hair down and explore Paris, which I've been to many, many times, which is another you know, thing that I had to deal With. But the the accessibility of my venue was okay. The pontoons were accessible enough there could have made them a lot better, but there's always room for improvement on everything. The one thing that really confused me was that Paris made out that they'd put a lot of accessibility initiatives in place to access the public transport, but the closest metro train station stop to the village, the Paralympic village, where all the disabled athletes are based, was not accessible. So just it very much confused me. There was another one, but it was like twice the distance. And if that we're talking about accessibility. We're not just talking about putting a lift or a rampant we're talking about distances. We're talking about temperatures. We're talking about seats. We're talking about space. We're talking about doorways, where all these little things that make the whole accessible journey towards accessing what is an amazing city is involved. But for me, you know, Paris was one of those games is compared to, I think probably Tokyo. Unfortunately, we had COVID and we were locked down and we weren't allowed out, and only spent half the time. Time in the village that we usually would because we're only allowed to be in there a couple of days pre and post our event. Tokyo would have been amazing. I have been to Japan a couple of times, and 99% of their stations are accessible, although their hotel rooms are tiny, so they require a little bit of logistical planning before that. And then Rio, I think I was sort of new to the Paralympic movement. You know, I'd only had my disability for four years, and every time I'd do something, I'd make sure that I'd be on my prosthetics to, you know, make my mobility as best I could. And that's something else to think about. Sometimes we aren't at our best and our most able and our most mobile, we have to transfer and like right now, I'm sitting in a wheelchair because at home, it's so much easier to wheel around, so much more comfortable in a wheelchair, but if I was to leave my house, I have to go out a couple of steps, and I'm not at my most mobile. So you know, different people and different disabilities require different applications and medical devices to get them around and lifting them in and out of a car, like I was saying for my wife when she's taking me to and from physio and out at home, that that's, that's hard. That's, you know, when I got my prosthetics was much easier. Obviously, I just get in and out like a like normal, but it is one of the things we need to think about.

Emma 21:22

And what did some of the ways that your life has changed since 2012

21:30

I would love to go for a run, and I have had running blades fitted, but they they are incredibly hard work. And the the athletes, the Paralympic Games, make it look so easy and so sort of intuitive, and they're doing it so easily, but in actual fact, it's incredibly difficult. That would be probably one of my most negative things. I'd love to be able to, you know, just run down into the water, into the beach and that sort of thing. I live on the Gold Coast, so that's, you know, bit of a disappointing aspect of living here. The heat is something that I really struggle with. Now, you know, if I'm wearing my prosthetics, I'm got less skin surface. They're hot, they're heavy, they're made of silicon and carbon and titanium, so all these things. So heat is really difficult. But for me, I have now bloody amazing parking, and that's probably one of the best things disability parking is we're talking about accessibility and that, and the distance is another thing. You know, those those parks that mean something to a lot of people. And you know, 20% of Australia are living with a disability somewhere out there, and they need them, and it's really important that we provide it and allow the carer as well to help that person access the places they're going and the places they want to go and need to go too. It's not always about going to an appointment. Might just want to go and see a movie, but what else is really good. You know, I often look at my life as, you know, would I go back and change what happened to me? Absolutely not. I've had an amazing experiences that that have led me to become a four time Paralympic gold medalist and meet amazing people and tell my story. And I've been incredibly lucky, I think, with the support and love and care, and especially, you know, those people that I've been talking about, my mum and dad, my my wife, and my friends that have helped me and been a part of my my journey. And actually, I'm, I'm heading off to Japan to go skiing in January next year, and I'm going to rely on my friends to help me. You know, they're, they're very, very good skiers, but they're going to be, you know, filling that little role of being a carer for me. And that's, I don't want that, but it's the reality of, if I want to go to a ski mountain and go for a ski and have that enjoyment and do the things that I used to love, I have to rely on people. And it's something to think about when we we think about tourism and, you know, holidays, it's, it's really difficult, but we'll try and make it work. And I think there's, there's no grit and determination like a person with a disability who wants to do something for sure.

Emma 24:13

Um, having experienced an explosion like the one that you have, how do you feel when you hear around the new war breaking out?

24:24

Yeah, obviously it's a sad situation, because I was on a plane flying out of Afghanistan, and I was the only non American on that flight, and I spoke about the guys carrying the stretch out, how their they were affected by the incident in a different way, but but the same way and in the same sort of experience, obviously not physically, but mentally. And every person on that plane flying out had the same ripple effect of trauma through their lives and their families. And I just think about the numbers that we see. Be on, you know their statistics, but each and every single number and statistic and casualty and death has this huge flow of trauma that ripples through it. So it is important to try and find peaceful resolutions for everything. You know, we've we've obviously saw in 2021 with the the Taliban taking over Afghanistan, which is something that we tried to prevent. But we can't always be there. We can't always hold countries hands and support them through their their own internal stress. We have to let them do it themselves. And you know, unfortunately, there's a lot of conflicts around the world that are civil in nature, and there's a lot that aren't. And you know, if we can try and find a peaceful resolution to to all the conflict in the world, I think the world would be a happier place, a healthier place and a more connected place. And, you know, we just need to put aside our differences every now and then and and, you know, have a talk, rather than shooting at each other or planting a bomb or whatnot, and it's hopefully all the conflicts. It'd be nice to see them wrap up and everyone go back to go skiing or go to the beach or have a coffee and, yeah, just enjoy life, rather than sitting in a trench and shooting at each other. It's a bit sad to think about well,

Emma 26:19

you're enjoying life. I thought that you recently became red dad. How's that going?

26:25

Yeah, it's really cool. It is obviously an incredible challenge. You know, a lot of people say that it's one of the hardest jobs in the world, and doing it with a disability is probably one of the harder things that I've ever done, since my, you know, since my injury, so having to learn how to carry Monty, my son with you know, when the wheelchair trying to wheel him around and things like that, that's really hard. But, you know, I've had to rely on my wife quite a lot, and you know, she's incredibly important to the his well being, as well as mine, and we're trying to do the best we can, but at the same time, it doesn't mean it's easy. So there's a long road ahead, but I'm looking forward to that road as well.

Emma 27:10

What are you most proud of? I'm

27:12

probably most proud of my ability to pivot and take the challenge on. I'm quite an optimistic person, not always, but in the bigger picture, I think I am, I think it is always, things are always going to get better. Things will get harder as well as better. It doesn't mean that the hard times aren't good. It just means that when we're in those hard times, when we get out of them, the good times are so good. So having that perspective and that shift, and I'm I've been really well supported, and you know, my wife and my friends and family have been incredibly integral in my my pivoting and my ability to do that. But that's probably it, the unexpected experiences, I think, probably not realizing how important sport was for me and my rehabilitation, I'd never seen sport as this sort of medical opportunity to heal until I was living, literally living it, and it's been made more apparent now with obviously the Paralympic Games was called the Stoke Mandeville games that was designed to help veterans get out and play sport. Um, it's obviously developed into this elite sport event that is more than just getting people fit and healthy living with a disability. The Invictus Games now sort of fills that role, and being a part of that, that was amazing. And, you know, hanging out with Prince Harry and meeting people. And, you know, I think the it's such an amazing event. And, you know, it's a lot smaller, it's a lot different than the Paralympic Games. It's more about that healing, that rehabilitation. So they're definitely those, those two things that that I've experienced and had the honor to do. And

Emma 28:51

just before we wrap up, what would access granted look like for you

28:58

when you think about doing things not having to think about the logistics of doing it, when, when it just, you go, I'm going to go there, and you don't have to think about it. You know that there's going to be the right doorway, there's, you know, that there's, you know, no massive staircases. There's a lift that's in operation. It's not, you know, broken or sorry for the inconvenience. It's like, Well, that's nice for some, isn't it, but that that sort of opportunity to to just do it, rather than having to go, Alright, I want to go do this, and I have to think about this, and then I need this. Do I need to take my wheelchair? Because is it long? Is it all these little things that take up so much more thought and energy that is not necessary sometimes, and that'd be nice to see that there's an opportunity to do whatever we want, whenever, when we

Emma 29:52

want. And if you've enjoyed this edition of access, granted, let us know on Facebook at powered media that's powered. With just 1e, P, O, W, E, R, D, media, and you can find the next edition when it comes out next week, wherever you download your podcast. You.