Scamp - Episode 7 - Hayley Edwards

Ashley Apap 00:00

This show was recorded on land that was stolen from the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. We acknowledge and celebrate the traditional owners of this land and their deep history of storytelling. We extend our acknowledgement to any indigenous peoples who may be watching or listening, and particularly invite viewers to reflect on the plight of Indigenous people living with disability under colonialism. Always was, always, always will be Aboriginal land.

Ashley Apap 00:34

There you are. Welcome to Scamp, the silliest place this side of hell. I'm Ashley Apap. You might know me from local grocery store. I'm usually there scouring the freezer aisle, just trying to see what's on special, what's gone off. And then if you go talk to the employees that work there, usually they will let you just have some of the stuff that's gone off if you sound sad enough. So just look out for me at the shops and don't say hi, because I will be in character as someone trying to get free frozen food. Now, scamp is very lucky to be sponsored by some wonderful, wonderful conglomerates. People, thoughts, ideas, and today is a pretty good one, pretty special one. Scamp is proudly sponsored by peace and quiet. No one's quite sure how to get it or if it even exists, but that only makes us want it more. Peace and quiet. A non existent pipe dream. Now, everyone, something that's not a pipe dream is me having friends come over and hang out with me. And I'm very lucky to have Hayley Edwards here. Haley.

Hayley Edwards 01:57

Hello.

Ashley Apap 01:57

Hello. So much for coming over.

Hayley Edwards 02:00

Thanks for having me.

Ashley Apap 02:00

So welcome. Do you like my slide?

Hayley Edwards 02:02

I do, yeah.

Ashley Apap 02:03

You had to come down it to get in?

Hayley Edwards 02:05

Yes.

Ashley Apap 02:06

Did you get any of that burn that you can get when you go down a slide?

Hayley Edwards 02:09

No, it was very slidable.

Ashley Apap 02:12

I put lube on it.

Hayley Edwards 02:13

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 02:13

So you might have got wet.

Hayley Edwards 02:15

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 02:16

But that's okay.

Ashley Apap 02:17

Thank you. Thank you for. That's so kind.

Hayley Edwards 02:19

That's all right.

Ashley Apap 02:21

Some people really don't like it, but.

Hayley Edwards 02:24

I'm all for it. I think it can be important.

Ashley Apap 02:26

I would argue that you're better than most people. That's just me. That's just me. Now, Haley, you are a thespian, an actor. I believe that's how you pronounce it. Is that right?

Hayley Edwards 02:40

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 02:40

I say an actor person.

Ashley Apap 02:42

An actor. Have. I've heard of those before. Now, can I ask, who do you think is the best actor person of our generation?

Hayley Edwards 02:54

I don't know.

Ashley Apap 02:55

Can I tell you who I think?

Hayley Edwards 02:56

Yes.

Ashley Apap 02:57

Paul Giamatti.

Hayley Edwards 02:58

Okay.

Ashley Apap 02:59

Got a picture of him on my wall.

Hayley Edwards 03:01

Yes.

Ashley Apap 03:02

Actually. Sorry, I completely forgot that I was supposed to ring him back. He didn't call me. But I do have to just quickly. I've been trying to get a hold of him. It's a whole thing. Is it right if I just quickly make a call?

Hayley Edwards 03:14

Yeah, of course.

Ashley Apap 03:15

Okay, great. It's a wild life. I never thought I'd be such close personal friends with someone so wild and tough. Okay, just ringing. Probably making another blockbuster. Call me back. Surely, surely, if he's a good man. Now, Haley, can I ask you. I've read a lot, and I can read, despite the rumours. I've read a lot about acting. Being like you have to get your body into a state and stuff like that. Do you have any experience with that? With having to convince yourself you're feeling an emotion that you're not feeling? How do you do that?

Hayley Edwards 04:06

Sometimes we're encouraged to just imagine it rather than delve deeply into our own brain. But your own brain is sort of there regardless. So use a bit of both.

Ashley Apap 04:18

I've been thinking about that for a long time.

Hayley Edwards 04:19

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 04:20

Even when I don't want it to be. All I can hear is my own brain.

Hayley Edwards 04:22

It's always there. It's very loud.

Ashley Apap 04:24

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 04:25

Help me.

Ashley Apap 04:27

The mind says, oh, my God says, help me. Says, stop that. Why would you put me in such, like, a cold, cold environment? Why would you put me such, in a hot, hot environment? Why would you make that stench foul smell? How did you make that stench foul smell? Is there a way to package that up and sell it? That's the things that my brain thinks could be marketable. Anything is marketable.

Hayley Edwards 04:56

I need to learn a bit about that. I don't market enough.

Ashley Apap 05:02

I would say, step one, find a local market. Go there and be like, I've heard about this. This. How do I get this to work? And then surely someone there will know, right?

Hayley Edwards 05:17

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 05:18

Now, Haley, I would love to hear from you a story. Not a spooky story, although every hour of every day is spooky season when I'm around. But would you be able to tell me a story? Like a mischievous time or moment or situation in your life? Anything at all? Anything cheeky.

Hayley Edwards 05:40

I've been thinking about cheeky because I like to claim that I am a recovering type, a recovering perfectionist, recovering people pleaser. So the cheeky things that I was looking back on, apart from the sort of drug, sex and rock and roll of the last year, which didn't feel like really something I wanted to share, that's fair. I was looking back and I was like, wait. There has always been cheeky in me. And I used to take, like, it's basically stealing, which has been. It's basically back from kindergarten. Are little pebbles little? Like, stationery is a big one now. It's like the occasional office works pen that's really too expensive. Some prosciutto maybe, because it's flat and it doesn't weigh anything.

Ashley Apap 06:31

Talking self serve checkout.

Hayley Edwards 06:32

I am, but I can't go the full thing. A lot of people have that, but I'm too anxious. So I just do it in my own special way. Sometimes I pick up a nectarine and just walk around really confidently and eat it. I'd like to thank my actor training for letting me do that. But then I also started related to that. I was thinking, this is an unfortunate story. I was buying lots of beef jerky at one point. I think I was very iron deficient. It's the prosciutto and the beef jerky. It's not something I'm proud of.

Ashley Apap 07:06

I think you should be incredibly proud. I think that one and everyone should. And after watching this, will live only off beef jerky.

Hayley Edwards 07:14

So I was living off beef jerky for many days in a row from the same iga. And then I walked in and this was the lowest point in my life. Guy said to me, oh, beef jerky girl, you're back. And I thought, if I'm known as beef jerky girl, something has to change.

Ashley Apap 07:34

I would agree with you.

Hayley Edwards 07:35

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 07:35

Beef to beef. Beef or not to beef.

Hayley Edwards 07:39

That is the question.

Ashley Apap 07:40

And you beefed?

Hayley Edwards 07:41

I beefed. But now I no longer return to that iga.

Ashley Apap 07:45

Can I ask which iga it is?

Hayley Edwards 07:47

Yes.

Ashley Apap 07:47

We can bleep this out.

Hayley Edwards 07:48

It's the south one. It's the. It's very close.

Ashley Apap 07:53

That is a good iga. I will say.

Hayley Edwards 07:55

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 07:55

Small, but it's good. It is.

Hayley Edwards 07:57

It's been there my whole life.

Ashley Apap 07:59

Wow.

Hayley Edwards 07:59

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 08:00

Do you remember the day that it erected or the day you were born was the day that it was put there.

Hayley Edwards 08:05

They were one and the same and the same.

Ashley Apap 08:07

You know what? They knew that you were being born and it was a celebration in your honour.

Hayley Edwards 08:10

Yes.

Hayley Edwards 08:10

And everything was set up.

Ashley Apap 08:13

All for you to see.

Hayley Edwards 08:14

All for me to. No. The beef jerky was bought, but it felt related.

Ashley Apap 08:19

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 08:20

Wasn't cheeky. It was just sad.

Ashley Apap 08:23

Wasn't beef cheeky might be the part of the beef that they used to make it. I don't know. I don't know enough about jerky.

Hayley Edwards 08:31

Neither do I. Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 08:33

It's done.

Hayley Edwards 08:33

Now that phase is over, I'm glad.

Ashley Apap 08:35

I'm proud of you. But also I'm proud of who you were at that time, too.

Hayley Edwards 08:40

Thank you.

Ashley Apap 08:40

Because we've all had snack obsessions. We've all loved something chewy, and it comes in waves.

Hayley Edwards 08:49

And that's okay.

Ashley Apap 08:50

It does. And I would argue that beef jerky itself is sometimes in waveform, sometimes a bit crinkled.

Hayley Edwards 08:56

Yes.

Ashley Apap 08:57

Got ridges.

Hayley Edwards 08:58

Very chewy.

Ashley Apap 08:59

Just like the fabric of time. Okay, now, Haley, I'm going to ask you some questions. These are designed to be rapid fire, but I will argue that not a single friend who has come to visit me has done these quickly, so nor should you.

Hayley Edwards 09:14

Okay?

Hayley Edwards 09:15

I can.

Ashley Apap 09:15

And that's not a judgement on them, okay? That's just cookie crumbles. And that's a saying. We don't have any cookies here, so stop trying to find them. Hailey, my first question for you is, what's your star sign?

Hayley Edwards 09:31

Taurus.

Ashley Apap 09:32

Grounded. My mom. Also her. My next question is, why didn't you come to my dance recital?

Hayley Edwards 09:42

I didn't get the invitation.

Ashley Apap 09:44

I sent you an evite. Oh, sent you an evite.

Hayley Edwards 09:47

Maybe my spam folder.

Ashley Apap 09:50

Interesting that to your inbox. I'm nothing. Spam. Canned meat.

Hayley Edwards 10:00

It's related to the jerky. That's great. Spam is great. Well, it's not. But being part of that family of beef jerky means that you mean something. Yeah, my inbox knows.

Ashley Apap 10:12

And I would also argue that you not attending them my dad's recital would indicate that you're incredibly jealous. Follow up question. Are you jealous of my moves? Was it this that you were scared to come and witness? Was it this? It's just small thrust. It's just small thrust.

Hayley Edwards 10:39

I'm struggling right now, to be honest, to contain my jealousy.

Ashley Apap 10:44

Are you jealous of this?

Hayley Edwards 10:46

A little.

Ashley Apap 10:47

Are you jealous of this?

Hayley Edwards 10:51

A little.

Hayley Edwards 10:53

Great.

Ashley Apap 10:54

I just want to clear it up.

Hayley Edwards 10:55

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 10:55
Because I really want transparency and openness with all my friendships. And I just felt like we weren't having that. But I feel like we're going to continue on a positive foot. Yes. This foot that. You just. You saw it. Oh, I'm getting phone call. Oh, my God. It might be Paul.

Hayley Edwards 11:17

Oh, my God.

Ashley Apap 11:18

Okay. Sorry, everyone. Hello?

Caitlin Staples 11:23

Hey, Ashley.

Ashley Apap 11:24

Oh, it's Caitlin Staples. Hey, Katie, what's up?

Caitlin Staples 11:27

Oh, yeah, it's me. I just wanted to see if you got that last message I sent you.

Ashley Apap 11:32

Oh, yeah, I did.

Caitlin Staples 11:34

Cool. Yeah. So can you make it?

Ashley Apap 11:40

Well, that depends. How much are you willing to pay?

Caitlin Staples 11:44

Pay? I just asked if you were coming to my birthday party, yeah. So why would I be paying you.

Ashley Apap 11:55

To dance at your party, of course.

Caitlin Staples 11:57

No, I invited you to be a guest.

Ashley Apap 12:00

A guest? Okay, so let me get this straight. Sorry. You want me to come to your party, not dance, and then have to get you a gift? No.

Caitlin Staples 12:17

Presents aren't necessary. Of course. But I told you how I feel about your dancing.

Ashley Apap 12:21

I think you're just jealous. Okay? Why don't you like my moves? Everyone loves my moves.

Caitlin Staples 12:26

No, they don't, Ashley. They're terrifying.

Ashley Apap 12:29

No, they're not. No, you're just jealous. You're just jealous. You're just a big baby. You can't handle my moves. You can't handle this. This one.

Caitlin Staples 12:39

You're doing them right now, aren't you?

Ashley Apap 12:41

I'm doing it right now.

Caitlin Staples 12:42

Feel it through the phone.

Ashley Apap 12:43

Good. I hope you can feel it through the phone because it's revolutionary and it's something no one else could ever do. Okay. Happy birthday.

Caitlin Staples 12:58

Thank you so much.

Ashley Apap 13:00

Love you. Bye. It's great to have a call. I was expecting it to be from Paul, but.

Hayley Edwards 13:08

Me too.

Ashley Apap 13:09

One of these days he'll call me. I guess. I guess instead of having an hour long phone conversation with Paul Giramatti that I have to kick you out for, I'll keep hanging out with you.

Hayley Edwards 13:22

Okay.

Ashley Apap 13:23

I know. I actually been pranking everyone.

Hayley Edwards 13:28

Oh, yeah?

Ashley Apap 13:28

Whole time. The wonderful people watching and listening to this. If there are any ableist little cucks out there you didn't even realise pranked you the whole time. This is a show made by and with disabled artists and they didn't even know. Isn't that crazy? I got them smoked, Jack. So in order to just kind of give you a hardworking disabled artist a moment to let loose, I'm going to time you for a minute.

Hayley Edwards 13:59

Okay?

Ashley Apap 13:59

I'm going to give you the chance to go crazy, go off, go mental about the most ridiculous thing that an able bodied person has suggested you try to cure or fix. Quotation marks, of course, your disability. Do you understand? Are you ready?

Hayley Edwards 14:17

Okay.

Ashley Apap 14:18

Your time starts now.

Hayley Edwards 14:21

I mean, the majority of it is sort of just like random dietary advice or like random, sort of like mental health advice, which sometimes is half valid because it's like Crohn's is sometimes flared by stress or diet, but actually there are professionals working on it. And sometimes even professionals giving random advice that is not helpful. If veganism would solve it, I would try it. And actually, there are so many foods I already can't eat that it cuts out too many to try and eliminate all the others that I can't eat. So, yeah, 30 seconds. I don't know.

Hayley Edwards 14:55

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 14:57

Also, there's this meditation thing that you have to pay for that is apparently going to solve Crohn's, but you have to pay for it. And it's like a private business. And I'm like, why are we privatising? It's all privatised anyway. But it's like, yeah, if it's real, then my specialist should be recommending it, not my Facebook ads.

Ashley Apap 15:18

Now time is up. Okay. I think I downloaded that exact. I'm not going to say the names of them because it might help. It might help. I literally downloaded one of them the other day and am doing the trial and then have all intentions to cancel after the trial.

Hayley Edwards 15:39

How did.

Ashley Apap 15:39

It's like a hypnosis thing for gut health.

Hayley Edwards 15:41

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 15:42

Well, I'm going to be honest with you.

Hayley Edwards 15:44

Tell me.

Ashley Apap 15:45

I've been too busy entertaining all my friends and I haven't even started doing it.

Hayley Edwards 15:50

I'll use your free trial.

Ashley Apap 15:51

Yeah, I'll pass it on.

Hayley Edwards 15:53

I'll see what happens.

Ashley Apap 15:54

Yeah, exactly. We can share it. We can share an account.

Hayley Edwards 15:58

That's what we should all do. Everyone with gut issues should just get together and share the same account.

Ashley Apap 16:06

It is crazy that those things are like, privatised also, did you know, shout out to. It's not Melbourne University in Melbourne. Monash University is like the world leader in.

Hayley Edwards 16:22

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 16:23

Studies.

Hayley Edwards 16:24

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 16:25

I don't know why you're not blown away by this.

Hayley Edwards 16:27

I feel as though I've, like, heard.

Hayley Edwards 16:29

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 16:30

In the world.

Ashley Apap 16:30

In the world. Don't fact cheque me. It's not a real gun. Don't worry, it's just my hands. The real guns are my arms because I'm so strong.

Hayley Edwards 16:46

I don't have much upper body strength.

Ashley Apap 16:48

Got none.

Hayley Edwards 16:49

I have a lot more in my legs.

Ashley Apap 16:51

I would say my strongest strength is.

Hayley Edwards 16:57

My brain is not strong.

Ashley Apap 16:59

I'm just kind of tapping on my head. It's not actually my brain, it's more my skull. My skull. My skull is real strong. Yeah, that's good.

Hayley Edwards 17:06

It's not like a baby.

Ashley Apap 17:08

No, there's no soft bit for me. I actually came out of the womb all hard.

Hayley Edwards 17:14

Steelhead.

Ashley Apap 17:15

Steelhead.

Hayley Edwards 17:16

That's really special. Not many people.

Ashley Apap 17:18

Yeah. There's a movie about me.

Hayley Edwards 17:19

Oh, look at Steelhead. I've seen it.

Hayley Edwards 17:22

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 17:22

Steelhead, the movie.

Ashley Apap 17:24

Yeah. We're doing a remake. Maybe you could play me in it.

Hayley Edwards 17:27

I'd love that. Steelhead, the movie too. Starring Haley Edwards, the actor person coming.

Ashley Apap 17:33

To an MRI machine near you and instead it plays exclusively in MRI machines.

Hayley Edwards 17:41

That music you have to listen to.

Ashley Apap 17:43

I fall asleep almost every time I have an MRI. Is that weird?

Hayley Edwards 17:48

No, I think that's good because at least you don't get stressed in there.

Ashley Apap 17:53

Yes.

Hayley Edwards 17:53

Or that thing where they give you an injection and it feels like you're paying yourself. I don't know if that's happened to you or if they were lying to me, but it happened to me and it felt like I was paying myself, so I'm glad they told me about it beforehand.

Ashley Apap 18:06

I feel like I'm paying myself constantly, all the time.

Hayley Edwards 18:09

I'm shitting myself all the time.

Ashley Apap 18:12

Wow.

Hayley Edwards 18:13

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 18:13

Together.

Hayley Edwards 18:14

Shitting myself right now.

Hayley Edwards 18:15

Really?

Ashley Apap 18:16

That's that smell. I thought it was one of the people behind one of the cameras. Oh, yeah.

Hayley Edwards 18:25

Nah, it's me.

Ashley Apap 18:26

Just got them off the street. Cheque their credentials.

Hayley Edwards 18:30

No, I've just got, like, lube from.

Ashley Apap 18:31

The slide and, like, shit with shit from your ass.

Hayley Edwards 18:34

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 18:35

And that's on liquids. Speaking of liquids, we're going to keep this fluid and move into a fun little game I'd like to play. So I'd like to just shake off our frustrations about disability and do something fun to just get us out of our heads and into the present. And I'm going to play a little game with you called celebrity. I believe it's called where we're going to go back and forth and say names of celebrities until one of us messes up. And we have to take the last letter from the name that the other person has said to make the next one. So, for example, just say I was to say Robert De Niro. Great. The last letter of his name is o. And then I would take that and go, awesome. Wells.

Hayley Edwards 19:26

Nice.

Ashley Apap 19:26

And then you would take an s. Are you prepared?

Hayley Edwards 19:29

Do you feel comfortable? Simon Burke.

Ashley Apap 19:32

All right, we're on. Does Burke end with a k or an e? Great. Thank you.

Hayley Edwards 19:37

And I told you that my celebrity references are going to be slightly niche.

Ashley Apap 19:40

And that's okay.

Hayley Edwards 19:41

Whoever a celebrity is is just the name that comes to mind. I feel like that's celebrity enough.

Ashley Apap 19:45

Absolutely. Wait, who's your favourite celebrity? You know what? Actually, we should start this with the best one. We should start with Paul Jumati.

Hayley Edwards 19:54

Okay.

Ashley Apap 19:55

Paul. That ends with an e. Jumati. I. I think.

Hayley Edwards 19:59

Okay.

Ashley Apap 20:00

I know. He's my best friend. Oh, yes. I.

Hayley Edwards 20:05

Oh, no. My brain's melting. That's your ass from the shit.

Ashley Apap 20:15

Anyone that the letter I now I can't think.

Hayley Edwards 20:18

Can you?

Hayley Edwards 20:21

Can it be a group project? Why can't I think of anything?

Ashley Apap 20:25

Imagine heap.

Ashley Apap 20:26

Is that a celebrity?

Hayley Edwards 20:27

Sure.

Ashley Apap 20:27

Musician.

Hayley Edwards 20:28

Sure.

Ashley Apap 20:30

You can take P. Penelope. Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 20:36

Penelope Cruz.

Hayley Edwards 20:39

Right.

Hayley Edwards 20:41

No.

Ashley Apap 20:43

Zorro. A celebrity. Does he count?

Hayley Edwards 20:45

Sure.

Ashley Apap 20:46

Zorro. Character. He's a celebrity. He's famous.

Hayley Edwards 20:51

Zoro.

Hayley Edwards 20:51

Okay.

Hayley Edwards 20:55

Austin Butler.

Ashley Apap 20:57

It sounds like an O. Great. Austin Butler.

Hayley Edwards 21:03

Robert de Niro.

Ashley Apap 21:04

Okay.

Hayley Edwards 21:05

Yes.

Hayley Edwards 21:05

Junior. R. Robert Downey. Junior. Robert De Niro.

Hayley Edwards 21:12

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 21:12

Robert De Niro.

Ashley Apap 21:13

Why are we all ending.

Hayley Edwards 21:17

Tragedy? This might be a lower point than beef jerky girl comment.

Ashley Apap 21:21

I don't think there could be lower.

Hayley Edwards 21:23

There could be lower.

Ashley Apap 21:24

No, you can always go to the floor.

Hayley Edwards 21:27

I wonder if that will be on my gravestone.

Ashley Apap 21:30

I think if there's anyone else.

Hayley Edwards 21:32

Here lies beef jerky person.

Ashley Apap 21:34

Anyone runs Wikipedia pages, definitely pull one in. Haley's, I would say.

Hayley Edwards 21:40

I reckon I should start my Wikipedia page with that. I don't have one yet. I reckon.

Ashley Apap 21:45

How about we do the same game but with snacks?

Hayley Edwards 21:48

Okay.

Ashley Apap 21:48

Because I feel like we know anything and we know snacks.

Hayley Edwards 21:51

We know snacks.

Ashley Apap 21:51

Okay.

Hayley Edwards 21:52

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 21:52

This is all about the process.

Hayley Edwards 21:53

I like it.

Ashley Apap 21:54

And I'm very excited to go with snacks. Let's start with beef Freddos. Skittles.

Hayley Edwards 22:06

Super dupers. Oh, no, that's super duper. Skittles. Sour lollies. That was another s Zar burst trail mix.

Ashley Apap 22:20

That's great.

Hayley Edwards 22:21

That's an xylophone thing.

Ashley Apap 22:28

Xylophone. You know what? It's okay to fuck it up.

Hayley Edwards 22:43

It's okay to make mistakes.

Ashley Apap 22:45

As Hannah Montana once said, everybody makes mistakes.

Hayley Edwards 22:49

Everybody has those days.

Ashley Apap 22:51

Everyone knows what I'm talking about. Everybody gets that way.

Hayley Edwards 22:57

Full quote.

Ashley Apap 22:59

Sometimes it's important to state your references.

Hayley Edwards 23:05

Reference cheque.

Ashley Apap 23:06

Reference cheque. Now, Haley, we're almost at the end, which is really sad for me because that means you have to climb back up the slide. That's exactly what I was going to say. I have to lube you up. Climb you back up the slide.

Hayley Edwards 23:21

Lube me up the slide.

Ashley Apap 23:23

Lube me up. Scotty. So before we go, we have a final sponsor. Would you be able to read out.

Hayley Edwards 23:30

Of course.

Ashley Apap 23:30

Sponsor for me. Okay, great.

Hayley Edwards 23:32

Hire me to do an ad. Voiceover.

Ashley Apap 23:35

Hi, Haley. All right, Haley.

Hayley Edwards 23:37

I've got a great voice for voiceover. I mean, a great face for voiceovers.

Ashley Apap 23:42

Great ass for voiceover. Here you go, my friend.

Hayley Edwards 23:45

That was passed around recently, anyway. This was passed around, too. Sponsor two. This episode has been proudly sponsored by shame. The only thing stopping me from flashing every person here today, shame. Keeping others safe. When I'm too horned up.

Ashley Apap 24:06

Great. Wonderful.

Hayley Edwards 24:07

Excellent.

Ashley Apap 24:08

I'm really glad that that shame is keeping you decent right now.

Hayley Edwards 24:11

It is, except the ask comment came right before.

Ashley Apap 24:15

Look, this is a place.

Hayley Edwards 24:17

This is quite relevant. I'm glad I read it.

Ashley Apap 24:19

Absolutely. I'm glad you read it, too.

Hayley Edwards 24:21

It was a good reminder.

Ashley Apap 24:22

Well, also, we would have been demonetized by the people at shame if we didn't read it. Capital S for shame. Now I have to kick you out, which I'm very sorry about, but where can the good people of the universe find what you're up to? Is there anything exciting that you're working on that you'd like to share?

Hayley Edwards 24:42

Well, I am an actor person and never really know what I'm doing, where the next thing is going, but I'm trying to be more of a creative person that makes my own thing so I can be in control a bit more. And I wrote a play called Shitbag.

Ashley Apap 24:59

And it's about right up my alley.

Hayley Edwards 25:01

Yeah, it's about Crohn's and casual sex and chronic illness and mental illness and all things in between. And I don't know when it's going to be on, but it'll be on.

Ashley Apap 25:15

Keep your eyes and answers peeled.

Hayley Edwards 25:17

Yes.

Ashley Apap 25:18

Chip bag. Wonderful. Thank you so much for being here. And thank you to my wonderful friend, Caitlin Staples. And happy birthday. I really hope that she comes to her senses and realises that my moves are impeccable and everyone loves them. Because you're jealous of them.

Hayley Edwards 25:35

Yeah.

Hayley Edwards 25:35

And I'll come to your next dance recital. I'm sorry I didn't make it last time.

Ashley Apap 25:38

I'm really grateful to hear that no one came. Before you go, I do have one thing to give you.

Hayley Edwards 25:47

Okay.

Ashley Apap 25:48

You have proven to me, and everyone consuming this, that you are worthy of this PhD in tomfoolery. Oh, and I am honoured to award you with this certificate.

Hayley Edwards 26:03

Thank you.

Ashley Apap 26:04

This is a great honour.

Hayley Edwards 26:06

There's a red line under my name.

Ashley Apap 26:09

Well, some would argue that potentially the free template service used to make that doesn't think that your name is real and that maybe the person who made that simply screenshotted it rather than paying for the certificate.

Hayley Edwards 26:28

You've learned anything today. Don't pay for health or printing.

Ashley Apap 26:33

If there's one thing you're going to take away from this don't pay for health, don't pay for printing, but thing. Goodbye friendship.