Scamp - Episode 8 - Scout Boxall

Ashley Apap 00:00

This show was recorded on land that was stolen from the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. We acknowledge and celebrate the traditional owners of this land and their deep history of storytelling. We extend our acknowledgement to any indigenous peoples who may be watching or listening, and particularly invite viewers to reflect on the plight of Indigenous people living with disability under colonialism. Always was, always, always will be Aboriginal land. There you are. Welcome to Scamp, the silliest place this side of hell. I'm your host, Ashley Apap.

Scout Boxall 00:44

Of course.

Ashley Apap 00:45

And this is my little house. You might know me from your mum's back porch, because she and I met in a craft circle, and she's really bad at crafts, so I've just been. Just been helping her get better. She's never been less competent at something than she is at crafts. You should talk to her about that. What's about your mum? Scamp is so honoured today to have one of our beautiful sponsors taking care of us here at the show. And today, Scamp is proudly sponsored by those Beatles who attach themselves to each other's asses. You know the ones. They don't feel shame and neither should you. Grab a friend and connect today. Connect. Buy your asses. Don't feel any shame about it. All right? It's completely fine. The Beatles do it, so why can't we? Sorry, guys. A bit of frustration I'm holding on to because my dear friend Paul Gio Marty, has still not returned one of my calls. So let's just give him one more chance before I write him off for good. I can be vicious, you know. Ring, ring, ring. Because the telephone scout boxel is here, everyone. Scout, writer, comedian, incredible shoelace wearer here. One of the.

Scout Boxall 02:25

How many times have you called Paul Giamardi?

Ashley Apap 02:27

Eight.

Scout Boxall 02:28

How did you even get his number?

Ashley Apap 02:31

I have a PI that I work pretty closely with.

Scout Boxall 02:34

What's the PI called?

Ashley Apap 02:36

Pooh. Ingrid, first name Pooh, last name Ingrid.

Scout Boxall 02:41

Like Winnie the.

Ashley Apap 02:42

Yeah. Yeah. H. Yeah, right. How are you doing? You're looking great.

Scout Boxall 02:49

Thank you. I'm just shocked that phone works, to be honest. And, I mean, it's beautiful, but I'm also not shocked that Paul Giamatti is not taking your calls. Well, it was a sexual awakening for.

Ashley Apap 03:02

Me, to be honest, and that doesn't surprise me.

Scout Boxall 03:05

Big fat liar. Well, when he came out of the.

Ashley Apap 03:08

Pool blue, it is canon that no one else can pull off that skin like him.

Scout Boxall 03:14

Oh, man, it was incredible. He was actually. Yeah. Similar shade to your socks right now. What a beautiful man.

Ashley Apap 03:22

For all the foot fetishists out there. Okay, get a peep.

Scout Boxall 03:26

You should pixelate those in post. Well, you don't know what kind of freaks are on the Internet is all I'm saying.

Ashley Apap 03:32

Hey, I know what kind of freaks are in this room. Hey, one sitting here and one's sitting there.

Scout Boxall 03:37

Okay, I don't know if you're talking about the hedgehog, you're not talking about me. I'm not a freak.

Ashley Apap 03:39

Hey, two freaks, one cup.

Scout Boxall 03:41

Okay, exit. Two cups. Two freaks, two freaks. It's not a porn if it's two cups.

Ashley Apap 03:45

It's not a porn.

Scout Boxall 03:46

It's just two people having a coffee.

Ashley Apap 03:47

That's just two people getting along.

Scout Boxall 03:49

And that's that on that.

Ashley Apap 03:50

And that's this on this.

Scout Boxall 03:51

On this. I'm going to try and drink out of this sonic the hedgehog cup.

Ashley Apap 03:56

I would love to see.

Scout Boxall 03:56

So bear with me and I think.

Ashley Apap 03:58

That you can do it. Of all our guests that have been given that crazy cup on purpose, the.

Scout Boxall 04:04

Reason it's slanted is that sonic is just going so fast.

Ashley Apap 04:07

For anyone listening to this and not watching, scout has been given a rhombus shape. Kind of.

Scout Boxall 04:15

It's that like 20 degree slant.

Ashley Apap 04:17

Yeah, cup. The sides are crazy. Scouts now taking a sip. Thoughts, feelings?

Scout Boxall 04:25

I mean, it's actually not that bad. You do have to really think about it though. Hey, you got to take a breath. You got to mentally prepare for this cup. And I do feel prepped and it feels good. It feels like I'm working.

Ashley Apap 04:40

And you know what? You've been slacking off for years.

Scout Boxall 04:42

That's what I always say. It's true. Scout boxel, very lazy person.

Ashley Apap 04:46

Laziest person in the comedy community. It's what people have been saying in.

Scout Boxall 04:51

The streets and I keep taking it lying down and they hate it. Stand up comedy scout, get up there.

Ashley Apap 04:57

Get up.

Scout Boxall 04:57

And you're like, no.

Ashley Apap 04:58

The floor is so nice and so beautiful.

Scout Boxall 05:01

So cool.

Ashley Apap 05:02

You're so grounded.

Scout Boxall 05:03

I am grounded. Boys got four points of contact with the floor at any one time.

Ashley Apap 05:08

We've got twelve.

Scout Boxall 05:09

What, did you go to religious school?

Ashley Apap 05:12

Somewhat. Yeah, I think we both went to the same kind of religious, you know, this low Anglican.

Scout Boxall 05:21

Anglican.

Ashley Apap 05:22

You talk about reflux, baby need to burp.

Scout Boxall 05:23

I go, oh, no, just a little one. See, it's mind never matter.

Ashley Apap 05:28

Everything is. If you had a better attitude, nothing bad would ever happen.

Scout Boxall 05:34

Maybe you'd be in better shape.

Ashley Apap 05:36

I'm just saying maybe both of us would have brains that function properly if.

Scout Boxall 05:42

We just unfunction is great. Don't know what I've heard on the.

Ashley Apap 05:46

Streets, okay, well, I've heard that you walk around streets are biassed. I've heard that you walk around town going, my mind, I've lost my mind.

Scout Boxall 05:55

That reminds me of, have you shown the audience what you do when you're being followed home at night and you worry that someone's going to attack you? This has a 100% success rate of not getting attacked on the way home.

Ashley Apap 06:07

It does.

Scout Boxall 06:07

This is a hot tip, genuinely hot tip.

Ashley Apap 06:09

All you need to do, if you feel like, oh, I don't know about my surroundings, I don't know, someone's coming towards me. The second that they get into earshot.

Scout Boxall 06:21
You should get away from the mic.

Ashley Apap 06:22

Getting away from the mic loud. For those listening. You don't need a visual cue. You will hear what I do. I just go.

Scout Boxall 06:35

I've seen it in action and it's fucking terrifying.

Ashley Apap 06:38

Works every time.

Scout Boxall 06:39

And you've never been murdered and I won't ever be.

Ashley Apap 06:43

And that's a threat. If you're out there and you're going to try and murder me, actually, you've.

Scout Boxall 06:46

Got a cyanide pill so that it'll never be by someone else's hand. Always have the last word.

Ashley Apap 06:53

And the last word, of course, will be love. Yeah. Because that's what it's all about.

Scout Boxall 07:00

You'd be a nightmare hostage. You'd be an absolute nightmare hostage.

Ashley Apap 07:05

No one would ever get to that riffing of trying to get me because I would not let them.

Scout Boxall 07:10

This woman's a liability.

Ashley Apap 07:12

A genuine tip to anyone out there who feels their safety just be crazy. Yeah, shitty pants if you have that ability. I don't have that command of my pals.

Scout Boxall 07:22

I remember there was a guy who came to our school once because there'd been a series of attacks in nearby parks. And so they brought. Sorry, this has taken on a really morbid turn, but this guy came to our school and he was an ex cop and he was a dad of one of the other girls at the school. And he told us how to not get murdered.

Ashley Apap 07:41

And what was his tip?

Scout Boxall 07:43

He basically told us how you can change anything in your life into a weapon. He's like, textbook. That's a weapon. Pencil, that's a weapon. Ruler, that's a weapon. And then he said, if someone is grabbing you, pretend to throw up, and then they won't be able to be.

Ashley Apap 08:03

So disgusted if you can force yourself to piss.

Scout Boxall 08:06

No, they love that, wouldn't they?

Ashley Apap 08:09

Oh, they might be like, oh, what would they be like?

Scout Boxall 08:13

No, but I'm shy.

Ashley Apap 08:16

Probably be like, oh, yeah, I love that.

Scout Boxall 08:20

I think they'd be a Disney Channel audio sting.

Ashley Apap 08:23

Yeah. Now, scout, I would love for you to bring to me the good people listening to and or watching this what's a silly, funny, mischievous story from your life, and it can be anything at all.

Scout Boxall 08:37

All right. When I was a kid, I really latched onto fictional characters in books, and I tried to sort of, like, live out what they were living in their book.

Ashley Apap 08:54

Okay.

Scout Boxall 08:55

And one book that I latched onto was called Harriet the Spy.

Ashley Apap 08:59

Hell, yeah.

Scout Boxall 09:00

You aware of this book?

Ashley Apap 09:01

I'm aware of this book and I'm aware of this story, but I'm so excited to hear it again.

Scout Boxall 09:05

Have you read the book? It's cracker.

Ashley Apap 09:08

Highly recommend.

Scout Boxall 09:12

Whoa. They're reading something.

Ashley Apap 09:15

Your mind? What?

Scout Boxall 09:17

Okay. What am I thinking? Right?

Ashley Apap 09:19

Yeah. Yeah. I love my friends. I love my friends.

Scout Boxall 09:24

She's got it right. Yeah. That's just going on repeat. That's my affirmation. So Harriet the spy is about a girl who spies on her neighbours friends. Creep, I guess. Yeah, it's like voyeurism, but like in a zooi de Chanel. I've got a fringe way. And so I made myself a spy kit that included yellow raincoat, belt with gadgets. I had bird watching binoculars, Notebook, tape measure. Unsure why I needed that. I had a lot of stuff that I really did not need.

Ashley Apap 10:03
Did you have the invisible ink pen?

Scout Boxall 10:05

No, but I did make several versions of invisible ink. I was really into spy stuff. I loved spy stuff. Like, dare I say spy kit. Spy kids.

Ashley Apap 10:14

Spy kids.

Scout Boxall 10:15

Huge.

Ashley Apap 10:16

I'm going to go on record and say hashtag, me too. I love spy stuff.

Scout Boxall 10:21

Thank Christ.

Ashley Apap 10:22

Nothing to do with the hashtag. Just.

Scout Boxall 10:24

I'm so glad that wasn't a disclosure of sexual harassment, because I don't know what I'd do.

Ashley Apap 10:28

Nothing bad has ever happened to me at the hands of anyone in spy kids or anything. All great people.

Scout Boxall 10:34

Junie, could you imagine if Antonio Banderas got me, too? I'd be shattered.

Ashley Apap 10:39

It would be sad for us. Grab him by the puss in boots. Would never happen because the boots. Great, man.

Scout Boxall 10:47

House down.

Ashley Apap 10:48

Slay mama.

Scout Boxall 10:50

That's right.

Ashley Apap 10:51

I was very much into spy kids. Two. I had all of the kids.

Scout Boxall 10:54

Two, two.

Ashley Apap 10:55

And one and one and one.

Scout Boxall 10:57

Two was good. 3d was unnerving.

Ashley Apap 10:59

Horrible.

Scout Boxall 11:00

One was cracker.

Ashley Apap 11:01

One was the best, really.

Scout Boxall 11:02

I mean, so many promises in terms of technology that they've not brought us.

Ashley Apap 11:06

Those McDonald's in a bag food in the bag things, man. There was a line of toys from maccas. That was spy kids. Spy toys. And I had them all and I was obsessed with them. And there was also. Did you ever do the scholastic book club? Oh, mate, I found all of my books. You have them recently? Should we have a day where we go through them together?

Scout Boxall 11:24

We should have a spy kit day, because I loved all that stuff. I love it. I love learning about the history of espionage. I loved it. We had to do, like, a famous person and everyone did like Gandhi. There was a lot of great. There was a lot of, like, brown face and swimming caps.

Ashley Apap 11:44

Not great.

Scout Boxall 11:45

It was early 2000s. What are you going to do? And I did Nancy Wake, who was an australian spy. Her code name was Madeline and that's what my mum named me after her. Yeah.

Ashley Apap 12:01

Born to be a spy.

Scout Boxall 12:02

It's awesome. She was, like, a spy in the french resistance.

Ashley Apap 12:06

Wow.

Scout Boxall 12:06

She's an absolute legend. She cycled 700 kilometres to get information from, like, one end of the front to the other on a bike in the middle of the war. She was in, like, little kitten ass. She was in kitten heels. What a nightmare.

Ashley Apap 12:21

She must have had the biggest Badonka donk of all time.

Scout Boxall 12:23

Well, that feels disrespectful to a veteran.

Ashley Apap 12:25

But, hey, even veterans can have fat asses, okay? Because they're protecting and what they're protecting and serving.

Scout Boxall 12:35

Yeah. So I loved spy stuff. And I had on a school report that I was a delight to have in class instructured learning time. But then during reassess and lunch, I would hide in a hollowed out hedge, practising quick release knots and counting seconds without a watch. Because those were all. Thank you. Those were all skills that the scholastica spy kit said that you should have as part of your toolkit.

Ashley Apap 12:58

So you became.

Scout Boxall 13:00

Those became. I would have been amazing in, like, 1920 something, but I also would not have been allowed anywhere near a firearm.

Ashley Apap 13:10
But it's like 2003.

Scout Boxall 13:12

Yeah. And you're like, we have phones. But I was still like, I know moss code. Like, I was that kid.

Ashley Apap 13:17

Very helpful.

Scout Boxall 13:18

I made a lot of my own codes when I was a kid. I think I made, like, six or seven coded languages, and I would write in those coded languages so no one could read over my shoulder. And I'd be like, yeah, I've beaten the system. But what actually happened was everyone thought I was a freak because I was just writing in dots anyway. Basically, Harriet the spy, I used to be a little spy, and I would go up trees near the mall and I would just take notes on people I was such a freak. It was the wonder I had any maids.

Ashley Apap 13:49

Do you remember what some of the notes, like, example of the notes would be?

Scout Boxall 13:52

I would be like. I'd just, like, describe people and then I'd say what they were up to. I'd be like, woman, mid 40s, snood, having a freon. Amber's very bougie.

Ashley Apap 14:07

That's so I thought it was going to be like, man, 20s, smoking dart.

Scout Boxall 14:14

No.

Ashley Apap 14:14

Lonely?

Scout Boxall 14:15

No.

Ashley Apap 14:16

Giving up on life.

Scout Boxall 14:17

No, it was more like Miss Marple stuff. Also very into the marple. Loved it, loved it.

Ashley Apap 14:24

Absolutely loved it, loved it, loved it. Scout. Yeah. I have some questions for you.

Scout Boxall 14:30

Okay, go. Just a couple. I think I'm rapid fire.

Ashley Apap 14:32

They are, because we got off.

Scout Boxall 14:33

They have to be before.

Ashley Apap 14:34

Okay, my first question for you is, is it pronounced maroon or maroon?

Scout Boxall 14:39

Maroon. Maroon five. No one's saying maroon five. Next.

Ashley Apap 14:43

Okay, great. My next question is, what are you hiding.

Scout Boxall 14:49

Next.

Ashley Apap 14:51

That's my final question.

Scout Boxall 14:53

Well, that was your final question.

Ashley Apap 14:54

That's my final question for you.

Scout Boxall 14:55

Are you serious? What is two questions?

Ashley Apap 14:57

Yeah, one cup. I'm the.

Scout Boxall 14:59

Oh, my God. For Christ's sake. Okay, you know what I'm hiding? How much I hate that you always do the two thing, one cup thing.

Ashley Apap 15:08

Someone's got to tell the truth in this town.

Scout Boxall 15:09

What do you.

Ashley Apap 15:10

Oh, my God. Sorry. Might be Paul.

Scout Boxall 15:13

It's not Paul.

Ashley Apap 15:16

Hello? Hey, Ash, I was calling to. Oh, my God. A stuggy bought one. I thought it was someone more important. What do you want? I don't have time for this. Well, that's incredibly hurtful. Okay, Dougie, I told you not to call me while I'm recording. Is this about Paul Giamatti again? Yes, of course it is about him, okay? He is a voice of our generation. There's no one like him. He's the best actor of our time. You know I'm an actor, right? Yeah, but you're no Paul Giamatti. And I don't want to be. I just want to be me. When will that be enough for you? It will never be enough, okay? Unless you can put your entire body into a pool, come out blue with the most beautiful orange hair in the world, and still give an Oscar worthy performance. It will not be enough, sir. I could be blue. I could pull it off. No, you could not. I'd like to see you try. He's never gonna call you back. Yes, he is. Yes, he is. Goodbye, Dougie.

Scout Boxall 16:26

Am I allowed to offer comments on that phone call?

Ashley Apap 16:30

Yeah.

Scout Boxall 16:30

Okay, first of all, Paul Giamatti is not the actor of our generation.

Ashley Apap 16:35

It's your opinion.

Scout Boxall 16:36

He's the actor of the previous generation. He's old. He's super old.

Ashley Apap 16:39

We're the same age.

Scout Boxall 16:41

Okay, second of all, in spirit, because.

Ashley Apap 16:45

He'S young at heart and I'm an old soul made for each other.

Scout Boxall 16:49

Oh, my God. Second of all, no, that's all I've got to say, actually.

Ashley Apap 16:55

I appreciate you rescinding whatever horrible thing you're about to say.

Scout Boxall 16:58

No, it's actually going to be nice, but it's too late. Next bit. Chop chop. Chop chop, mate.

Ashley Apap 17:06

Don't you dare give me a hold job. Don't you dare. All right, scout? Yep, I know. We're having the best time of our goddamn lives.

Scout Boxall 17:15

I'm genuinely having a lovely time now. I've figured out where to put my hands. I'm having a cracking time.

Ashley Apap 17:19

I can always do these ones.

Scout Boxall 17:21

No, I don't think so.

Ashley Apap 17:23

It's up to you. I would love to give you the opportunity to go off, dare I say, because there are any ableist cucks out there watching. Ha. We got you. You didn't even know. This is the ultimate prank by this scam. You didn't even know that. This is a show made by and with disabled artists. So we got them. We got them good. They didn't know that. Now they know.

Scout Boxall 17:47

Okay.

Ashley Apap 17:48

I mean, if they've been watching, I.

Scout Boxall 17:49

Reckon to this point, maybe they've clocked it. I reckon they've definitely clocked it.

Ashley Apap 17:53

Well, speaking of clocks, it's time seamless for you to go off a little bit about the most ridiculous thing an able bodied person has ever suggested might cure or fix in quotation marks, obviously your disability. Are you ready, my friend?

Scout Boxall 18:11

Yeah, sure. Can I say some caveats up the top?

Ashley Apap 18:13

Absolutely.

Scout Boxall 18:14

Is that I don't have a physical disability. So it's not like an able bodied versus non able bodied thing.

Ashley Apap 18:21

Okay.

Scout Boxall 18:21

It's just like, my brain is just a bit fucked.

Ashley Apap 18:24

Hey.

Scout Boxall 18:25

So it's just people who don't have fucked brains.

Ashley Apap 18:28

All disabilities are beautiful.

Scout Boxall 18:30

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 18:31

And all able bodies are beautiful.

Scout Boxall 18:33

Yeah. I mean, all bodies are beautiful. That feels like a lot of both sides ism.

Ashley Apap 18:37

Every brain is lovely.

Scout Boxall 18:39

Go on, press the timer.

Ashley Apap 18:41

Ready? Your time starts now.

Scout Boxall 18:43

Okay. I'm not going to speed up because I'm not going to get flustered because you've seen me get flustered in an improv situation before and I've cried.

Ashley Apap 18:49

Horrible.

Scout Boxall 18:50

I hate it. Gut stuff, people like. My mum really is very supportive, but she genuinely reckons that I can solve my brain with a good diet. And she says stuff like, I've read the literature, which I just don't think is correct word. I just don't think it's a $10 word for sure, but I just don't think that's true. A lot of people are like, maybe if you ate fewer Reese's peanut butter pieces. And I was like, what if I told you the only thing keeping me tethered to this earth is a Reese's peanut butter piece? Then what's your answer? Yeah, I think often this is more of a general thing and less of a specific thing, but I think people tend to focus on things that make them feel better.

Ashley Apap 19:41

Yes.

Scout Boxall 19:41

Rather than. And are like, oh, this is good for wellness. Rather than, like, this person's at a point of crisis, and maybe I should just let them use what they have to get by. So that was less of a rant and more of just, like, a poignant thought.

Ashley Apap 19:56

Well, you know, I'm very happy to be poignant with you.

Scout Boxall 20:00

I'll be poignant with you anytime.

Ashley Apap 20:02

Thank you for letting your voice be heard.

Scout Boxall 20:04

Thank you.

Ashley Apap 20:05

Thank you for doing anything and everything you need to do to keep that brain chug, chug, chugging along.

Scout Boxall 20:11

Oh, it's chugging.

Ashley Apap 20:13

It's chug, chug, chugging, chugging.

Scout Boxall 20:15

And it's off the rails on the medication required.

Ashley Apap 20:24

Now, scout, you did just allude to a situation that I was going to bring up, which is that you freeze up and get to the point of tears whenever you do improv. And I've witnessed it twice now, seen it twice. And it's. I mean, I'm not going to lie. It's very funny to me, but it's not fun for you. Okay. I don't want you to be uncomfortable.

Scout Boxall 20:45

I think it's just being in front of. I don't know why.

Ashley Apap 20:48

The crowd.

Scout Boxall 20:49

I think it's the crowd. It's not that I'm, like, in pain, it's just that. Sure, okay, well, I'm not in pain. It's just that I laugh so much, and then I get really overwhelmed, and then I just cry because I don't know what to do with myself. It's also happened during games of charades. It's not exclusive to improv.

Ashley Apap 21:08

Okay, well.

Scout Boxall 21:09

But it's just like, I'm put on the spot. I don't know what to do. There's a live audience. I've freaked out, but for some reason, it never happens with stand up or crowd work. I don't know why?

Ashley Apap 21:17

I don't know why either. But I do know that it is now time for us to do some improv. So, for you specifically, instead of doing an improv game, I'm going to make it very simple for you. We're going to break the curse today. I think so. I think you're going to get through this just fine. I think what we're going to do is we're just going to do a scene back and forth for a few lines until I use my hand closing in a fist as a gesture to say the scene is over. Okay. And I'm just going to give you a character and our relationship. Okay? That's all you need to do. And we just never have a conversation. Do you think you can do it?

Scout Boxall 21:51

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 21:52

I believe in you.

Scout Boxall 21:53

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 21:53

There's also no live audience, so that's, I mean, helpful. Not in my house. No. You never know who's living in the slide, though. Raccoons stuff. They drink the lube.

Scout Boxall 22:05

What's that?

Ashley Apap 22:06

What? Okay, character, I would like you to play a father and I'll play a son. That's all we need to go off. Okay?

Scout Boxall 22:15

Okay.

Ashley Apap 22:16

All right. Would you like me to talk first? That make you feel comfortable?

Scout Boxall 22:21

Yeah.

Ashley Apap 22:22

You're my dad. All right. Hey, dad.

Scout Boxall 22:26

Hey, kiddo.

Ashley Apap 22:28

It's been a hard day.

Scout Boxall 22:30

What's happened?

Ashley Apap 22:32

I just miss mum.

Scout Boxall 22:35

Yeah, but she'll be back from her work trip soon.

Ashley Apap 22:38

You've been saying that for three weeks. She took all the stuff out of the fridge. Surely her work trip has their own fridge of food.

Scout Boxall 22:53

Well, she does work in catering, so she was taking samples and we support her from a distance, don't we? Because that's what good family members do. They support the women in their lives.

Ashley Apap 23:04

Yeah, you're right, dad. She works hard for us. She does. When are you going to get back to work? Dad, you've been sitting on this couch smoking cigarettes for weeks.

Scout Boxall 23:14

Just because it doesn't look like I'm working, it doesn't mean that I'm not working hard. I'm working. I'm working.

Ashley Apap 23:25

You know what you're working hard at?

Scout Boxall 23:26

What?

Ashley Apap 23:27

Quality time with me?

Scout Boxall 23:29

Exactly. Yeah. It's a really beautiful way of putting it. How's that cough going?

Ashley Apap 23:36

It's not going good.

Scout Boxall 23:37

Okay.

Ashley Apap 23:40

And scene. Wasn't that beautiful? We did it. And you didn't cry.

Scout Boxall 23:46

Yeah, I didn't cry, but it felt like you were trying to trick me at every turn.

Ashley Apap 23:54

I don't know why you would say that.

Scout Boxall 23:57

The mum meant to be like. Because this is why? I can't do improv. Is the mum dead?

Ashley Apap 24:03

Has she run off?

Scout Boxall 24:05

What's happening?

Ashley Apap 24:06

All I want to say.

Scout Boxall 24:06

There are the siblings in the picture.

Ashley Apap 24:07

I'll never trick anyone. All right?

Scout Boxall 24:10

This show is literally called Scamp. It's all about being mischievous and.

Ashley Apap 24:14

Trixie Mattel.

Scout Boxall 24:16

Oh, my God. I was thinking more Trixie. Little hobbit, but I guess.

Ashley Apap 24:20

Little hobbit?

Scout Boxall 24:21

Have you not seen Lord of the Rings?

Ashley Apap 24:25

I don't believe in any.

Scout Boxall 24:26

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Ashley Apap 24:30

Now, Scout, I'm very proud of you because you got through that just fine. And I've got something to give you.

Scout Boxall 24:34

Okay? That felt like a very underwhelming scene. Like, if I'd paid money to watch that at the improv conspiracy shout out, I'd be upset.

Ashley Apap 24:42

All right, let's quickly do one more version of it. You ready? Rapid fire. Three lines. Okay?

Scout Boxall 24:47

Three lines each, or three lines total?

Ashley Apap 24:48

Three lines total. One, two, one.

Scout Boxall 24:50

You ready?

Ashley Apap 24:52

Dad, where's mum? She's been gone for three weeks.

Scout Boxall 24:56

She's dead.

Ashley Apap 24:57

Knew it.

Scout Boxall 24:59

That's stupid. Improv is so dumb. I love that you love it, but I can't abide.

Ashley Apap 25:06

It's the love of my life.

Scout Boxall 25:09

Yes. Oh.

Ashley Apap 25:11

Here is something very special for you. This is your phd in tomfoolery. There you go. You are now a certified scamp.

Scout Boxall 25:21

Thank you.

Ashley Apap 25:22

I'm going to learn that. Do whatever you want with that.

Scout Boxall 25:24

Certified duffer. And you are a downright scamp. This is one of the lowest res certificates I've ever received in my life.

Ashley Apap 25:31

Oh, I'm not paying to use it.

Scout Boxall 25:34

What did you make this on? Canva.

Ashley Apap 25:36

Microsoft paint.

Scout Boxall 25:37

Microsoft paint.

Ashley Apap 25:38

Yes.

Scout Boxall 25:39

Mate.

Ashley Apap 25:39

Bill Gates has got to get.

Scout Boxall 25:41

Also, the h is meant to be small.

Ashley Apap 25:45

Nah. Stands for when it's capital like that.

Scout Boxall 25:48

Thank you. Sorry, that was rude of me. This is lovely. And thank you.

Ashley Apap 25:52

You're so welcome. And we have a final sponsor here today, and I would love for you to read.

Scout Boxall 25:58

Oh, yeah, I'll read it.

Ashley Apap 25:59

The ad. Is that okay? Yeah. Great.

Scout Boxall 26:01

You know that I want to be, like, a voice acting guy.

Ashley Apap 26:04

You do a funny voice for me while I get it on the spot.

Scout Boxall 26:10

I'm sorry.

Ashley Apap 26:11

Then you'll never make it in the biz. Yeah.

Scout Boxall 26:14

All right. How about that?

Ashley Apap 26:16

That's just kind of a voice that I do that.

Scout Boxall 26:18

You like that you okay? Well, all right.

Ashley Apap 26:21

Sorry I told.

Scout Boxall 26:22

Minimising my achievements.

Ashley Apap 26:24

Now, scout, please read this with all the gusto that you have in your heart.

Scout Boxall 26:28
All the gusto?

Ashley Apap 26:30

Yeah. All right.

Scout Boxall 26:37

I'm going to read it like it's a Channel four show.

Ashley Apap 26:39

All right.

Scout Boxall 26:41

In the UK.

Ashley Apap 26:42

Absolutely.

Scout Boxall 26:44

This episode has been proudly sponsored by death. Just like a selfish lover. It's coming whether you're ready or not.

Ashley Apap 26:54

Death.

Scout Boxall 26:57

How did you get death on board? That's a huge get, to be honest.

Ashley Apap 26:59

Grim Reaper's a dear friend.

Scout Boxall 27:01

Grim Reaper's a dear friend.

Ashley Apap 27:04

I don't scout. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was our last sponsor for the whole show. And now I'm going to be evicted from this. This is my house. I built it up. I thought of the colour scheme. I asked for two different kinds of hedgehogs. A mug for you, a mug for me, both hedgehogs. I got my phone, I got my stuff. And now I have a feeling that I'm going to be taken away from this place.

Scout Boxall 27:33

Are you genuinely getting evicted?

Ashley Apap 27:34

I don't know. I hope not. But I just wanted to stay here forever.

Scout Boxall 27:39

Yeah, I mean, it is beautiful, but I don't think they're not going to keep.

Ashley Apap 27:45

My God. Someone's here. Oh, my God. No. Evan, no. Come on, people. No. What are you going to. Why?

Scout Boxall 27:53

Evan, this feels really unnecessary.

Ashley Apap 27:55

Come on.

Scout Boxall 27:56

Goodbye. Wow. Evicting a proud disabled woman from her housing. Interesting move. Okay. The ableism Stark. It's not okay. It's actually not okay. Well, I'm not going. I guess I'm like the custodian of this couch now. Didn't even notice that.

Ashley Apap 28:30

That's lovely. Thank you so much for being here, everyone. I'm so grateful for every single listener, every single watcher, and every single cuck scout. Where can the people find what you're.

Scout Boxall 28:47

Up to in the street?

Ashley Apap 28:49

You heard them. And you can always find me at Ashley Crapap online. And of course in your local toilet.

Scout Boxall 29:08

In that?

Ashley Apap 29:08

Yeah. Cord, can I see the phone? Our channel.

Scamp - Episode 8 - Scout Boxall